"Spanish-isms"

Emily, Sara, Katelyn and Julia came up with this hilarious list of "Spanish-isms" that I just had to share because they are just all so true. I also added a few of my own . Enjoy:

• Ikea is the gold standard of furniture
• No fresh flowers in homes
• People "invite" each other for meals and drinks
• Flip flops for beach only
• No baseball hats
• Must show ID with credit card
• Servers don't refill your drinks
• Red wine is always refrigerated
• Napkins are made of wax paper
  
• Exaggerated gesticulation, so it's hard to tell from afar if someone is talking about the weather or their firstborn child
• All basic medicine is behind the counter
• People stand in doorways and saying excuse me to get by is useless
• Pushing is acceptable touching a lot in general is acceptable
• No concept of personal space, especially in lines
• Kids pee in parks
• Food is left on the counter, unrefridgerated, overnight
• Napkins are crumpled up on the table
• All time tables for buses are different based on what website or bus map you are looking at
• People say ¨hasta luego¨ in passing instead of ¨hi,¨ like we do
• No bare feet... ever
• Sports clothes are never to be worn outside
• No going outside with wet hair, even if its hot out
• TV is on during all meals
• Yogurt and fruit for dessert
• People share salad bowls
• People will cut the last piece of food into small pieces so as to not take the actual last piece
• Kids are out at all hours of the night
• After siesta people eat churros with chocolate
  
• Pizza is sometimes cut with scissors
• People don´t drink water on a regular basis
• People are baffled by water bottles (nalgene, aluminum, etc)
• Siblings all have matching outfits, even if one is 9 years old and the other is 2
• Not covering mouth for coughs or sneezes
• Spanish women always link arms walking down the street
• Milk and eggs aren´t refrigerated (!?!?)
• If you look remotely presentable you will be hit on by every man on the street
• Mixed drinks are made with 75% alcohol, 15% ice and 10% mixer
• Dogs aren´t leashed, or cleaned up after
• Girls don´t dance at bars
• Restaurants charge you for bread
• Waitors glare at you when you ask for tap water
  
• Fruit has to be weighed at grocery stores
• You are obligated to say that the food is ¨buenismo¨ within the first two minutes of every meal
• Spaniards don´t type with two hands
• Flan is sold everywhere, next to basics such as milk, eggs, and butter.
• Groups of spanish friends are ususally not co-ed
• People take one sip of their cafe con leche and then chug the rest when they are about to leave the bar
• Spanish women don´t exercise
• Every woman is "guapa"
• Old women wear lots of fur
• No fear of smoking or motos, two things that are considered extremely dangerous back home
• Staring
• Spanish women mother everyone
• Kids are named after parents and then nicknamed with diminuatives, but never with seemingly random names
  

La vista de una malagueña

When my fellow English teachers and I first arrived here there was a lot of complaining going on- our commute to work, rude people in the street, restaurants, slowness everywhere, not knowing who to go to for help etc. I figured that I would get used to it thereby becoming a "malaguena" who could not be phased by any bump in the road. Yesterday I learned that it is not just us foreigners who are frustrated and fed up with the way of life here...

It started in a conversation during my private English class. My student, who normally can be timid during our conversations, choosing to speak more Spanish than English was on the ball from the second I walked in her flat, "Hi!!!! How are you??? Would you like a coffee?" Our conversation started with a summary of our respective Semana Santa vacations and then there were three main important things we talked about that I would like to share:

She began by saying that recently she has been feeling very frustrated, disappointed and turned off by Málaga and wants a change for a while. First she told me about a man on her street who wears a green jacket and will put a big metal object in front of your car when you are trying to park so that you have to pay him in order to park. There is no one she can talk to about it and clearly it is illegal since the parking is supposed to be free. She says if she called the police they would think she was crazy and ask her why she was calling. They have no doorman or super in the building so they can't complain about problems on the street or in the building. I cant imainge not having a super. My building in New York is very safe, but small problems or even big ones come up every once in a while and you need a person to go to for help. The woman said the attitude here is (and she put her head in the air and started humming) that no one cares, people want to mind their own business because no one wants to be the person to complain about something. She said that the laweyer they have doesnt give a "mierda" either. Note: Spain could use some passionate and caring lawyers

Secondly, she is fed up with all of the doggy doo on the street. As I have mentioned before Málaga is a candidate for European Cultural Capital in 2016 and the other day some woman printed out signs saying "Málaga European Cultural Capital 2016" and stuck it in all of the dogg droppings she saw on the streets in Málaga. Pretty funny right?

Thirdly, she commented that women here are not equal to men like they are in other countries, that Spain is still very backwards in this regard. She said that instead of fighting for equal rights, women are extremely aggressive and rude especially when they drive their cars and constantly honk their horns and yell things our their windows.

And just today I was walking along the promenade towards Limonar to give a clase particular when three malagueños rode by me on their bikes and the last one pinched my butt. They kept riding, but would turn back periodically to smile and laugh at me and one even fell off his bike further up the road. It's like... really? What kind of education and upbringing did you have that you think you can ride by a woman on your bike and grab her ass. Give me a break Spain. Me da asco. Odio los malagueños.

So in conclusion, you are not being a high maintenance bratty American. People here ARE really rude, sleazy and inappropriate and the way of life IS extremely inefficient and frustrating to locals as well. And for those of you malagueños that this does not apply to, I did not mean to offend you, but PLEASE tell your compañeros to get their act together and start acting like a respectable society instead of a pack of barbarians.

P.D.A.

P.D.A., also known as "Public Display of Affection" is the physical demonstration of affection for another person in public, and depending on the context can be objectionable. Picture this scene: you are out at an intimate dinner with a group of your male and female friends. Although it is a friendly group dinner, your one girl friend will not stop making out with her boyfriend thereby making everyone feel uncomfortable. Something you might whisper to your other friends is, "God, they are soooo PDA" or "Can they quit it with the PDA??" usually followed or proceeded by, "Get a room!"

In Spain the notion of too much public affection does not exist. Two weeks ago I went to Madrid and on the bus ride there AND back there was couple directly across from me (different couples) displaying SEVERE PDA. A 6 hr bus ride to Madrid is long, crowded and hopefully quiet. These couples however had no regard for anyone else. There was kissing, laughing, heavy breathing, spooning (yes it is possible on a bus) and intertwining of legs. Give me a break.

Yesterday I was going for a walk on the beach and passed by a couple aggressively making out on a bench. 45 minutes later when I was walking back that way I passed by them and they were in the SAME position as 45 minuts before. EATING FACE.

Aside from the fact that it´s kind of funny/gross/innappropriate, this trend sheds light on to an interesting cultural aspect of Spain. In Spain it is the tradition for children to live with their parents until they get married. Therefore, most of the hanging out, hooking up, and dating takes place outside in the streets, or on public transportation. Spaniards are not encouraged to bring boyfriends/girlfriends over to their homes so all of the "D. A." has to be public.

I understand the culture, but I cant help blurting out "GET A ROOM" every time I see a couple like this.

"Speedo Medley"

When I found out that this weekend was going to be a long one (I don't work Fridays and Monday is a National Holiday) and the weather was going to be amazing I came up with the idea to have an ongoing project to keep myself busy. My proposal was to create a "Speedo Medley," basically a compilation of the various speedos I encountered this weekend at the beach. The "speedo" is something very common in Europe, but fascinating/disturbing and often made fun of by Americans. It appears to be exactly like a bikini bottom for a girl but worn on a man...Anyway this was quite a fun undertaking for me and my friends. Thanks to everyone who helped to make this collection possible.

The father/son speedo shot. My personal favorite.
Who knew a backpack and speedo looked so good together!
The speedo makes for a great people-watching outfit.
Lounging in the speedo.

Going for a stroll in the speedo. The speedo can clearly be worn by all shapes and sizes.
The red, white and blue speedo.

Bald with the speedo. Quite the statement.